This is just something dumb. I learned it from my friend when I first had my own place and didn't know beans about cooking (not that I know a lot now, but there has definitely been some progress). Whenever I got a craving for tocino and there wasn't one handy (primarily because I never buy any, to the present) I just cut up some turkey spam, coated the pieces in brown sugar and fried them. Now, I'm not saying they it tastes exactly like tocino, but whatever taste it is I'm craving in tocino (durr, the sugar?) is pretty much met.
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